Friday, May 8, 2009

Breaking Chocolate

How do you tell your heart to let go of something when it is all you have ever wanted? That is what I am facing now, and the sad thing is, so is he.

A little over a month ago I met and started dating the most wonderful man. I feel like God brought him into my life to show me that I deserve better then how I was before. I do not have to settle for being hit, lied to, cheated on, controlled or disrespected. He showed me that there are men who are kind and loving, affectionate and caring, men who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

Our relationship has been great, we are completely comfortable around each other and have discussed many times how amazed we are that we blend so well together. Monday night was great, we talked and talked on the phone and at the end of the night said our good night as usual.
My womanly intuition kicked in Tuesday that something was amiss, but I had to go another day before I heard anything from Mr. Wonderful. After work, something told me to go home and check my email; sure enough, I had a 'Dear Jane' email in my inbox. The email had the expected, it is not you, I want to be single and I do not want to hurt you. Nothing he said made sense. My heart broke into pieces like chocolate, and fell upon the floor. What happened? I called and had to leave a voicemail, if he was going to do this then he could at least do it in person. I sent a reply to his email, and drove to church.

As I suspected, when I got back home there was another email from him saying he would talk to me, he was upset as well and needed to get himself together and he would be in touch. I got up the next morning and sent him a quick email that I would leave him to sort things out and I would drop off his things in his truck and wait to hear back. I heard back immediately that he was coming to talk.

When he showed up, he grabbed me in his arms, held me, and told me how sorry he was. He explained, he was still in love with his ex wife and needed to resolve those feeling before continuing with me. How could I blame him? I have been there myself. We agreed to take things one day at a time. My heart was broken, how could I let go of this man? Then I thought of him and the anguish he must be feeling. I know from our conversations that he really cares for me, and I can only imagine how torn he must be.

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. I can only pray at this point. God brought him into my life for a reason, maybe just to show me that there are better men out there then the ones in my past. I pray that he brought Mr. Wonderful into my life for something more. My bigger prayer is for him though, to have healing and peace to let go. As he held me, I could feel him trembling and it hurt me to know how hurt and confused he is. He truly is wonderful and deserves to be happy. I had held onto the hope for over three years that the love I gave would be returned; I stopped living my life because I could not give up hope. Mr. Wonderful is holding onto hope as well. How do you tell your heart to let go of something when it is all you have ever wanted? The answer is to have faith in God.

3 comments:

  1. Bless your heart....not my will, but Thy will be done (hugs).

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  2. One day at a time sister...

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  3. What ended up happening? Where are you today in your story with Mr. Wonderful?

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