Monday, May 25, 2009

Peace in a Piece of Chocolate

This is just a little thought. It occurred to me this morning that I need to find peace in the little things and not dwell on what I can not change. This is definitely not 'new' news, I just apparently needed to wake up at 4 a.m. and figure it out.

I have been slammed right in the face with life since I started my new job several weeks ago and have not had much time to do much of anything. Then right in the middle of it all, my ex boyfriend (the one that cheated) calls me from a blocked number and wants to talk. He goes on an on about how he is sorry and still loves me, cares, etc and wants to get along because we had five years together. I am sorry, but he should have thought about that when he was with the other women and telling the pastor that I was causing problems. I told him if he is that sorry he can talk to the pastor and not to call me back. He called back two more times...

This is not something I want to deal with anymore, I just want to be done. When I met Mr Wonderful I realized how I was selling myself short by settling for someone that was so abusive to me. I had previously been advised by two elders in my church to keep records of the contact and go to the pastor with it, now I have been advised not to. I have also been advised to not tell anyone I am in a new relationship among other things.

It occurred to me sitting in church yesterday, WHY? Why am I still catering to this man? Why am I still protecting him when all he did was hurt me? Why do I have to still lie and cover up for him? Why do I have to worry about him when it is clear he never worried about me? WHY? I shouldn't. (Notice that period)

I shouldn't. If someone asks me a direct question, I should be allowed to answer. I should be able to say, yes he is still calling me, but I have moved on. I should be able to say that I am dating. I should be able to have a piece of peace without having to worry about it. Life is too short. I got five years taken that I can't get back because a man was not man enough to do the right thing when he had the chance. Why should I have to continue to suffer? I shouldn't. I should be able to enjoy a piece of chocolate in peace.

5 comments:

  1. Hello there! Just dropping in to check on you. I pray you're in a place of peace.

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  2. I’ve enjoyed looking over your blog. I came across it through another blog I follow, and I’m glad I did. I am now a follower of yours as well. Feel free to look over my blog and perhaps become one as well.

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  3. Thank for this amazing read. I am going through something similar right now. He didn't cheat on me, but emotional events occurred. I am taking this time to find myself, grow in my relationship with God, and learn to wait for the man God has for me. I love that you say you shouldn't care because I am struggling with the same thing. It's hard when you cared for them for so long.

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